poems anonymous

 

I feel new, reinvented. All you did to me is clear, I see it now. Leaving let me see the truth. You wanted me, and I wanted that. You are nothing without me, and I am more without you. Leaving showed me my worth. I am loved, I am confident. I see my future, clearer than ever. You made me who I am, resilient. Leaving gave me joy, and laughter. I feel free, powerful.  You made me confident, good and bad. I mourn you, what you were. Leaving you felt pleasing, blissful. I’d do it again, just to hear your call. I can only imagine how resent feels A taste of how you made me feel. Leaving gave you perspective.  You don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Your plans don’t go your way. I’m too busy to pick up your call.  Leaving you was sweet vengeance. Fuck you. I am a new person, not your test subject. I have dreams of you being torn to shreds.  You were my everything.  I feel reborn, leaving you.

Life was better before I knew he existed. I didn’t feel empty knowing he didn’t know I existed, Or that our relationship was only ever one way. I didn’t know I’d never meet him, or that he would ever be more than just another human. If I never knew he existed, I probably wouldn’t have cried so many times. I wouldn’t get lost in his eyes, or his smile. I wouldn’t dream up delusional scenarios of us meeting. But he’ll never be just another person. Life would be better if I didn’t know he existed.

I just got an A. It’s an A, why does it matter? I fear I will regret it one day, or wish I tried harder. But I’m trying as hard as I can. I fear I’m not trying hard enough or don’t want it bad enough. My competition is getting an A plus. Do I know that as a fact? No. But yes.  I should have gotten an A plus.  One plus. One class. One assignment.  One dream trashed. I don’t think I’m scared of the A, but scared of 4 years from now.  It’s   just an A.  Isn’t it?

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